Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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