i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
