This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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