We won't sleep together?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
