I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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