We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
