Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
