i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
