Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
