my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
