But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
