I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
