is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
