My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
