I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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