He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
