Small penises have feelings too.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
