This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He has the fingertips of a God
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