Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
