I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
