Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
