I will die if light touches me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
