I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
