For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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