he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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