Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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