now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
