Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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