DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
