I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
