Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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