it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
