i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
