i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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