Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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