New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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