Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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