I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
