well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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