but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
