And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
