I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
