How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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