check it out our google latitudes are spooning
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
