Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize