i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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