Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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