also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
