Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
