so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
