Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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