Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
