I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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