im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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