6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
