You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Who died my cat blue again?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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