I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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